Difficult Conversations: How to Confront the Elephant in the Room

Introduction

In her personal and professional life, this author is often called upon to provide a sounding board, listen without judgment, and help facilitate or de-escalate situations with others. Through years of training and experience, she has learned that dealing with conflict and having difficult conversations is hard. Cultural lenses, emotions, power dynamics, and social capital are just a few factors influencing how, why, and if someone will respond to conflict at home or in the workplace. Many of us fear it, and few of us are trained in how to do it in a productive and respectful manner.

In a culture or environment where getting along is expected, people can feel internal or external pressure to acquiesce so as not to rock the boat. Academia is an animal that prides itself on welcoming new ideas and open discussion but can push back or push out people who do not fit the mold or are seen to be doing some boat rocking. Avoiding conflict and difficult conversations to get along can manifest into stress, anxiety, and other emotions that can make being productive and happy in the workplace difficult. There may be no way to make conflict feel good, but there are things that can be done to help you psych yourself up to have those conversations and prepare you to have them in a way that you will not regret and all parties will leave feeling heard and respected. This chapter will analyze why conflict and difficult conversations can be challenging, offer advice on how to make the conversation more bearable and productive, as well as when it is ok to avoid it all together. While the examples in this chapter are specific to academia, the information can be used in conflict in other aspects of life.