A Milieu of Taboo: Threat, Avoidance, Power, and Control

Introduction

What makes certain topics taboo? One oft-cited definition of taboo topics are topics considered off-limits by at least one partner (Baxter & Wilmot, 1985). The goal of this chapter is to situate taboo topics in a broader, deeper context of hierarchical power dynamics within non-hierarchical relationships. This chapter may draw on examples from and comparisons to different types of close relationships, however the focus will mostly pertain to romantic relationships.

One person in a relationship may simply choose to avoiding bringing up a subject due to the fear of eliciting a negative reaction (Baxter & Wilmot, 1985; Roloff & Ifert, 2000; Vangelisti, 1994). Taboo topics can be created as attempts to stem otherwise ongoing negative impacts of serial arguing (Roloff & Johnson, 2001). At a minimum, a taboo topic may be considered a topic that has been deemed unimportant (Roloff & Ifert, 1998). The more threatening the topic, the more likely there is a tacit, implicit agreement not to speak of it (Roloff & Ifert, 1998, 2000). In other words, a threat might be related to an issue that would be a source of conflict if raised explicitly, and of which withholding the topic can be a means of avoiding conflict and its negative effects (Roloff & Ifert, 2000). This chapter will attempt to demonstrate that neither the presence nor the absence of conflict is necessarily problematic; however, there may be contextual factors that could illuminate when avoidance is a concern worth examining.

An important contextual factor is the presence of certain kinds of power dynamics. The existence of power is not necessarily problematic (Hocker & Wilmot, 2018). For example, a power imbalance is intrinsically hierarchical in a parent-child relationship, however, it may be problematic in a romantic partnership. Power dynamics are consequential if power is employed as a means of controlling another person in service of one’s own individual goals, especially if it is at another’s expense. One important distinction of the original definition by Baxter and Wilmot (1985) is that taboo topics are considered a type of information control, which will be discussed further in the next section. An overview of relevant conflict perspectives and power dynamics will be provided to draw a contrast in understanding how a milieu of control is different from situations characterized by the presence of interpersonal conflict that naturally occurs in everyday life.

Additionally, an overview of topics related to unresolved conflict is necessary to highlight the problematic aspects of a lack of conflict. Understanding conflict and conflict avoidance can help with understanding some of the foundations of a relationship. A milieu of power dynamics and conflict avoidance helps to understand what makes some topics taboo, and specifically, what makes some topics so taboo that they become unspeakable. To illuminate the strength of power dynamics, one example provided will be the chilling effect, a form of topic avoidance regarding complaints of controlling behavior (Aloia & Worley, 2019; Cloven & Roloff, 1993, 1994; Makoul & Roloff, 1998; Roloff & Cloven, 1990; Roloff & Solomon, 2002; Samp & Solomon, 2001; Solomon et al., 2004; Solomon & Samp, 1998; Worley, 2016; Worley & Aloia, 2018). Within the chilling effect, it is possible for taboo topics to thrive if any perceptions voiced that are at odds with a controlling and/or more powerful person could be perceived as an act of insubordination (e.g., Hocker & Wilmot, 2018). If a dynamic of subordination is not mutually consented to by both partners, then expectations of subordination would naturally be a source of conflict in that subordination may be inherently problematic in the context of a romantic relationship.