Abstract
Navigating academic spaces is challenging for first-generation college students, particularly for Black women doctoral students who produce decolonizing research at historically White institutions. For these Black women scholars, the workload is doubled. While learning to conduct research, Black women scholars must also survive the hidden curriculum of hegemonic academia while simultaneously doing the emotional labor of leading their committees towards an understanding and respect for Black women's intersectionality and its impacts on Black women scholars' ways of knowing. This chapter is an autoethnographic counternarrative of one Black woman doctoral student's endeavor to design and conduct Endarkened feminist research that honors the sacred, revolutionary work of Black classroom teachers. Consequently, this chapter aims to inspire more decolonized research and suggest meaningful ways that higher education institutions can support decolonizing researchers.
TopIntroduction
This soil is bad for certain kinds of flowers. Certain seeds it will not nurture,
certain fruit it will not bear, and when the land kills of its own volition, we acquiesce
and say the victim had no right to live (Morrison, 2007, p. 206).
Afropessimism and anti-blackness–both societal logics that assume the inhumanity and illegitimacy of Black populations– are alive and well in the academy (Curry & Curry, 2018; Dancy et al., 2018; Waite, 2021; Walker, 2020; Wilderson, 2020). Faculty and students of Educational Leadership doctoral programs like the one I attend require deliberate, liberatory pedagogy to break free from the anti-blackness learned from years of schooling (Waite, 2021). As a result, Black women doctoral students who choose to complete their studies at historically White colleges and universities face unique challenges (Phelps-Ward et al., 2017; Shavers & Moore, 2014a, 2014b, 2019). The questioning of Black women students’ integrity, authenticity, academic capability, and work ethic is not uncommon (Niemann et al., 2020; Sparks, 2021). These microaggressions can trigger crippling occurrences of imposter syndrome—especially for first-generation college students from marginalized groups and impoverished backgrounds (Ellis et al., 2019). This chapter is an autoethnographic account of my lived experiences as a Black doctoral student in a predominately White Educational Leadership program. While I make no assertions that my lived experiences mimic those of Black women scholars throughout the Diaspora, I can confirm that they are not entirely unique. I have changed and withheld the names of individuals to protect their anonymity.
TopOn Being Black In White Spaces
Being a Black woman doing decolonized research in predominantly White spaces makes you a homing device for White fragility (Knowles & Hawkman, 2019). In an autoethnographic account of her experiences in an oppressive, predominately White doctoral program, McCoy (2018) explained: “I didn’t enroll in this institution to teach… I came here to learn! However, too often the task of ‘educating’ White students about the minority experience is a heavy burden imposed upon students of color” (p. 336). My own experiences echo McCoy (2018). Few Black students are in my sizeable doctoral cohort, and each of us brings a variety of perspectives on research and colonization. Because the university is located in the South, fear factors considerably into what we say and do within our cohort and program faculty. Therefore, conversations centered around race and social justice are infrequent and insubstantial. Even when I would rather not, I feel obligated to challenge my cohort members’ notions about how racism, bias, and colonization continuously inform their roles as educational leaders.
Anti-Blackness laced interactions with White (and White self-identifying) faculty are similar. For whatever reason, they frequently cite their limited exposure to Black scholars and colleagues as the rationale for not knowing Black researchers and their theories.
Listen, Shekema. I am trying to help you. If you choose this topic [e.g., Black teachers’ influence on increasing the numbers of future Black teachers], you will ruin your chances of getting hired after graduation. There may be a place for this work in some mediocre journals, but not any journals that I would read.
You mean Negro journals? I like Negro journals. We have our own scholarship, with a legacy of over 100 years. There is amazing work in those ‘mediocre’ journals. I’ll take my chances on that. Thank you.
Because White academics are unfamiliar with Black theories and research, Black theories and research must be, by default, less significant. The responsibility of fighting adults to broaden their worldviews and shift their understanding of Black research and praxis is exhausting (Corbin et al., 2018; Hills, 2019). Frankly, I am tired (Moore, 2021).
Key Terms in this Chapter
Endarkened Feminist Epistemology: Coined by Dr. Cynthia Dillard (2000) , Womanist research that embodies Black women’s sense of belonging as members of the African Diaspora; focuses on Black women’s connection with spirituality and covenant relationships with our ancestors to teach and protect Black children.
Intersectional Qualitative Research: Qualitative methodology that race, class, gender, and sexuality are institutionalized and, therefore, pervasive in the lives of both researchers and the participants.
Sista Circle: A Black women’s support group formulated around kinship, mutual respect, and growth (personal, spiritual, and professional); also, a qualitative research methodology.
Anti-Blackness: A disdain for Black people and their lived experiences; includes common forms of racism and specific forms of academic microaggressions such as referring to Black women’s scholarship as less reputable.
Decolonizing Research: Scholarship that centers non-Western epistemologies and methodologies; focuses on mutual regard and genuine collaboration between researchers and the researched; praxis oriented.
Afropessimism: The fear of a Black planet; an anti-blackness so pervasive that darker-skinned people throughout the world are relegated to a lower caste and deemed undesirable.