Relationships and Ambiguity: Using Authentic Relationships to be Comfortable With Discomfort

Relationships and Ambiguity: Using Authentic Relationships to be Comfortable With Discomfort

David Hunt (Immaculata University, USA)
DOI: 10.4018/978-1-7998-7152-1.ch015
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Abstract

This chapter applies several theories from education and social psychologies that are well suited for today's university leaders. These leaders are faced with fostering cultures that challenge students to think and connect while promoting tolerance and social justice. Given the polarization of recent years, this is a significant challenge that requires flexible strategies. The author of this chapter will describe these potential strategies through the lens of privilege and allyship.
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“The power of a free mind consists of trusting your own mind to ask the questions that need to be asked and your own capacity to figure out the strategies you need to get those questions answered. Over time, this requires building communities that make this kind of intellectual and political work possible.” Patricia Hill Collins, On Intellectual Activism, Introduction

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Introduction

This chapter is intended to support readers with theoretical structure and recommendations for responding to polarization and other inter-group dynamics on their campuses. It is written from the only perspective I can offer, that of a person with multiple privileges and an incomplete understanding of the dynamics of identity and access. As evidenced by the quote I have chosen to open this chapter, I am a believer in the need for communities that are resilient enough to ask and (at least partially) answer difficult questions. This requires courage, honesty, study, reflection, grace, and a desire to build alongside others with whom you disagree. As it happens, universities and colleges provide excellent opportunities for this type of community building. My goal in writing this chapter to provide structure- for understanding and challenging problematic group dynamics playing out on many campuses. More specifically, I have three purposes in writing this chapter: 1) To provide an introduction to a few concepts I believe could be useful to those in university leadership positions, 2) To ground those concepts in my own experiences of privilege, growth, and failure, and 3) To play a small role in generating discussion on topics where we have seen significant, and worsening polarization. Before I get into that, I believe it is important to speak a bit about who I am, and how I have been shaped by my experiences.

College transformed me. It was an ideal setting to begin life as an adult, but I’m at the tippy-top of privilege in the US. White, male, straight, cisgender, and at the moment, fully able-bodied. Perhaps the most difficult aspect of writing this chapter was managing the voice in my head telling me: “Who are you, with these privileged identities, to be talking about these things to an audience trying to account for the damage done by people who look a lot like you?” It is difficult because I don’t have an answer to that. There are likely people who are better situated to address these issues, and many of them don’t look like me. Thus, I share the ideas and experiences in this chapter understanding that, as an ally, the impact of this chapter is most likely to be felt by allies or those with stories similar to mine.

I attended a small, predominately white university in a very conservative part of the country that matched my upbringing. Despite the uniformity of the first 18 years of my life, the college environment allowed me to be challenged but not overwhelmed. I was allowed space to recognize my immature understanding of life’s complexities, and time to consider alternatives. Perry’s (1999) theory of moral development for college students fit me perfectly. For Perry and his colleagues, college is an opportunity to progress through a series of tasks that ultimately represent a move from a simple, known world to one that is complex but knowable. I moved through dualistic thinking, to a moral moratorium, to accepting that few had all the answers…yet there is meaning in choosing a stance or system of belief despite its shortcomings. Since then, I have felt occasional shame that I did not understand more before that time, or that it took such an ideal environment for me to grow. But I remind myself: 1) I wasn’t just learning new information, I was learning the process of what to do with new information, which is hard and 2) Be thankful that I had that opportunity because college is amazing and many do not get that opportunity.

College is amazing because it allows time to learn and grow as an adult in an environment designed for that purpose. I teach a career counseling class most semesters, and each semester we discuss the role that college plays in individual as well as societal development. I have dedicated my professional career to working for universities because it is both deeply meaningful, and because I believe in the transformative power of attending college. I have worked at several levels: student worker, supervisor of student workers/bowling machine operator, then in disabilities, career counseling, advising, mental health counseling roles. Then a leadership role in a large institution’s disabilities office. Then a doctorate, then professor.

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