See Box 1.
Box 1.
January 17, 2001
How did I not know? How did I not know how much exhaustion I would face as a teacher? I’m 22 years old, and I’m in charge of five classes of fourteen to eighteen-year-olds. Five different classes with five different textbooks and five different workbooks (and CDs and test books and listening activity workbooks,…so much…) Five hours of presentation a day and non-stop juggling. And just plain acting.
“Mme Brown, you’re always so happy! Are you ever in a bad mood? You never seem stressed.”
Oh, but I am. Yet, it’s easier to present a happy face. And it motivates the students more if I don’t really show them how tired I am. “Never let them see you sweat?” “Fake it ‘til you make it…” Teacher mottos to live by…
Don’t get me wrong—I love teaching. It’s all I ever wanted to do, and I’m happy to do it. I feel oddly at home and “in the zone” in class. You might even say I’m doing pretty well at it. However…to do well, I’ve been driving myself insane. I don’t leave school without at least two to three hours of work to do. Weekends consist of me on the floor surrounded by my lesson plan book and mounds of textbooks. I have family functions where I always bring things to grade. It never ends.
And when I’m not planning or grading, I’m thinking about school. When I wake up, when I go to bed, when I’m in the shower, when I’m driving to and from school, I’m constantly prepping for or reflecting on lessons. Is this normal? Am I crazy?
Daily, I am torn between the highs of teaching and the exhaustion I feel from doing it all. Does this ever get easier? I can’t imagine it does. I just want one day where my brain can relax and not think about school. Just one day…
Oh, and today I agreed to coach dance and lead sophomore student council.
I think I am crazy.