For Love or for Business: Taboos of Family Business Communication

Introduction

Renowned couple’s therapist, Dr. Esther Perel, brings therapy to podcast listeners in her series How’s Work? Every episode begins with the voice over, “How’s Work? is a onetime unscripted counseling session focused on work” (Gimlet Media, 2021). This one-line primes listeners to hear and learn about work-related problems as discussed in a therapeutic setting. The current study focuses on episodes of Perel’s podcast that feature couples or family members who are in business together. In listening, the audience is reminded that work-related problems are relational problems—especially in a family business. Scholarly interest in family businesses is relatively underdeveloped despite its dominant international presence (Siebels & zu Knyphausen‐Aufseß, 2012). As family businesses employ 63% of American workers and the majority of businesses around the world are family owned, these struggles may be similar to ones experienced by Perel’s listeners (Astrachan & Shanker, 2003; Family Business Alliance, 2017; Siebels & zu Knyphausen‐Aufseß, 2012).

While many approach a work construct in a capitalist, neoliberal sense—namely, work is just work—nothing is only work when it involves family. It is much more complicated to walk away from a toxic work environment when it is the family business. Disagreements at work, financial problems in the firm, issues with upper management, and power struggles all become major problems influencing the 9-5 and workers’ home lives. In those scenarios, work impacts family, and family impacts work (Yu et al., 2012). Talking openly and bluntly about those problems reveals a unique space for taboo topics and conversations to surface, especially in cultures more focused on monetary gain than relational outcomes.

In this study, two types of relationships shape the family business: those who are blood related (e g., mother/son, twin brothers) and those who are married or partnered. Working with a family member in either scenario opens the door to travail. When the boss reprimands an employee at work, employees may interpret that action from a familial standpoint and not as professionals in a workplace setting. To these ends, the therapy community has recognized a need to provide services specifically to blood-related families who work together (e.g., Cole & Johnson, 2012; Lee & Danes, 2012; Michael‐Tsabari & Lavee, 2012; Strike et al., 2018). There is similar role confusion for married/partnered couples. Weaving together lover and co-owner/business partner identities is potentially fraught especially if one relationship undermines the other (i.e., they focus on the business rather than their personal relationship) (e.g., Barnett & Barnett, 1988; Jaffe, 1990; Kaslow, 1993). In those instances when both the business and interpersonal relationship cannot be maintained, most research focuses on preserving the marriage/partnership over the business (e.g., Cole, 1997, 2000; Danes & Morgan, 2004; Jaffe, 1990; Kadis & McClendon, 1991). A few authors have written about couples who work together in their business after divorce (e.g., Brown, 1990; Cole & Johnson, 2007). In Perel’s work with her clients, How’s Work? listeners hear not just her direct interactions with couples, but also her commentary as podcast host speaking to a podcast audience. In most cases, Perel finds space for the couples to remain together in both capacities as business partners and close family members.